A man woke up in a hospital bed, wrapped in heavy bandages from head to toe.
The attending doctor walked into the room, checked his clipboard, and said, “Ah, I see you’ve finally regained consciousness. You were involved in a massive pileup on the freeway. The good news is you are going to make a full recovery and walk again. However, I have some delicate news regarding a specific injury.”
The man looked up, visibly concerned.
“During the crash,” the doctor explained gently, “your manhood was completely severed, and we were unable to recover the part. Fortunately, modern medicine is incredible. Your insurance is paying out a nine-thousand-dollar settlement, and we can surgically build you a fully functioning replacement—perhaps even better than the original.”
The man’s eyes widened with sudden hope.
“There is just one catch,” the doctor continued. “The procedure costs exactly one thousand dollars per inch. Before you choose a size, I strongly advise you to discuss it with your wife. If you decide to upgrade to a nine-inch model, she might be overwhelmed. If you downgrade to a five-inch model, she might be disappointed. Go talk it over with her.”
The next morning, the doctor returned to the room with a knowing smile. “Well? Did you consult your wife?”
“I did,” the man sighed heavily.
“And what did she decide to do with the nine thousand dollars?” the doctor asked, leaning in.
The man looked blankly at the ceiling and replied:
“We’re remodeling the kitchen.”
