A biology teacher was giving a lesson to her 3rd-grade class. “Class,” she explained, “humans are unique in the animal kingdom because we are the only species capable of developing a stutter.”
A little girl in the back row immediately raised her hand. “No ma’am, that’s not true! I actually used to have a cat who stuttered.”
The teacher, knowing how wildly imaginative 3rd-grade stories could be, smiled gently and asked her to explain.
The little girl stood up proudly and said, “Well, we had this big tabby cat that absolutely loved to torment the giant Rottweiler next door. But one day, the Rottweiler got loose and jumped right over the fence.”
She took a deep breath and continued, “My cat stood her ground and tried to yell at him. She went, ‘Fff… fff… fff…’ but before she could finish the word—BANG!—the Rottweiler ate her.”
Why Little Johnny Insisted 2 + 2 + 2 Equaled 7
A school teacher was trying to test Little Johnny’s basic math skills during a pop quiz.
Teacher: “Johnny, if I gave you 2 cats, and then another 2 cats, and another 2 cats, how many cats would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “No, Johnny, listen closely. If I give you 2 cats, plus another 2 cats, plus another 2 cats… how many do you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Frustrated, the teacher decided to switch examples to see if it would help him understand.
Teacher: “Let’s try it a different way. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples, and another 2 apples, how many apples would you have?”
Johnny: “Six!”
Teacher: “Good! Excellent! Now, using that exact same logic: if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats, and another 2 cats, how many cats would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny! Where in the heck are you getting seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat at home!”
Little Johnny Blackmailed His Mom for $20 with a “Secret” About His Dad
“Hey, Mom,” Little Johnny asked one afternoon while lounging in the living room, “can you give me twenty dollars?”
“Certainly not!” his mother snapped back. “You just had an allowance.”
“Well, if you do,” Johnny countered with a sly grin, “I’ll tell you exactly what Dad whispered to the maid yesterday afternoon while you were away at the beauty shop.”
His mother’s ears instantly perked up. Dropping the dish towel she was holding, she grabbed her purse, pulled out a twenty-dollar bill, and eagerly shoved it into his hand.
“Well? Tell me right now!” she whispered breathlessly. “What did he say to her?”
Johnny pocketed the cash, smiled warmly, and said:
“He said, ‘Hey, Juanita, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.'”
