Maintaining good personal hygiene is vital for both health and cleanliness. How often people bathe varies—some prefer daily showers, others a few times per week. But for one reader, the issue runs deeper: her husband only showers once a week, and it’s causing growing concern in their marriage.
The reader shared her story in search of advice.
“My husband works five days a week but only showers on weekends. I’ve mentioned he starts to smell by midweek, but he just says he’s too tired after work.”
They’ve been married for about a year and a half. In the beginning, she didn’t think much of it. With opposing work schedules—she worked mornings, he worked nights—she rarely saw his routine. When she started working from home a few months later, she realized he only showered once a week. Still, he didn’t smell and changed clothes daily, so she let it slide at first.
However, over time, it began to bother her, especially at night. She tried dropping hints like suggesting a refreshing shower due to the weather, but he never responded. His idea of hygiene was washing his face each morning, and although she personally showered daily, she worried it would be rude to criticize his habits.
Things became more difficult when he switched to a physically demanding day job. He came home sweaty but still didn’t shower. “It grossed me out,” she admitted. But it wasn’t until she became pregnant that she finally confronted the issue directly.
“I told him I might be extra sensitive during pregnancy, but asked him to shower at least three times a week.” She emphasized the importance of hygiene for her own comfort and for the baby’s well-being. Surprisingly, he agreed. She was relieved and wished she’d spoken up sooner. During her pregnancy and after the baby’s birth, her husband was supportive and caring.
However, after things settled down, he returned to his old habit.
After long workdays, he would come home sweaty, change his clothes, and pick up their newborn without showering. “It made me cringe. I was worried about germs and bacteria that could harm the baby.”
It wasn’t just the shower frequency anymore—he began to develop noticeable body odor. “His hair was greasy, and even his one weekly shower couldn’t mask the sweat.” She finally confronted him one night. After expressing her long-held frustrations, she called him “gross” and “disgusting.” He seemed stunned, and she instantly regretted the harshness of her words.
To her shock, he claimed he had never changed his hygiene routine nor agreed to shower more frequently. This left her questioning her memory and wondering if she had imagined his agreement. In tears, she reminded him of their earlier conversation, but he denied it. He left the room while she cried herself to sleep with their baby.
After reflecting, she realized she may have misunderstood.
He had been using alcohol to clean himself instead of showering—his way of trying to meet her halfway. They both apologized. When she asked him why he refuses to shower more often, he gave an unexpected response: “I don’t want to wash off my manliness.” She was left stunned.
Now, she’s more direct. She insists he shower at least three times weekly due to the smell. Yet he continues to dismiss her, claiming exhaustion from work. Things reached a breaking point when she saw his shirt covered in dirt and flakes of dead skin. “This isn’t just about the smell,” she told him. “This is a health issue.” Still, he dismissed her concerns and went to bed.
She now wonders, “Am I expecting too much?”
