When we become parents, we do our best to treat our kids equally. We meet each of them where they are developmentally and emotionally and tend to their unique needs. We should also keep that same mentality for bio kids, any bonus children, and adopted or foster kids in our care.
One mom believes she needs to address her mother-in-law, who seemingly treats one of her children differently than her others. She took to Reddit to give some backstory on her family’s situation and ask the community for their advice .
Here’s full story:
“MY 7 year old is not biologically mine or my SO’s. I’ve raised him since he was one and met my SO when he was two.
The issue is with my MIL. Although she always makes sure she buys all the grandchildren the same things I feel like she treats my child different than her bio grandkids. To her, everything my child does is wrong and everything the other grandkids do is cute/funny even when they’re cussing or talking back, etc which my child never does.
So yesterday we are over her house and all the kids had a bag of candy. The bio kids ate theirs pretty quickly but my kid went back and forth from eating it to playing. Well my MIL tells him that he had enough candy for the day and took it from him which I didn’t know until we were about to leave.
As we are getting ready to go my child asks me if he can get his candy to take him. I said yes of course. MIL sees him getting the candy and starts yelling at him that she told him he couldn’t have anymore. I told her that I said he could get it and he wasn’t trying to eat it anyway. Instead of just letting it go and admitting she was wrong she continues to yell that she told him not to do it. My SO gets upset and starts yelling and arguing with her about how she always treats our child different.
I pointed out that on Easter my child left his candy at her house and she yelled at him about how he needed to remember his stuff and when he tries to do that he stills gets in trouble. He cannot win with her. She then calls my child over (I’m assuming to apologize but noooo) and tells him HE can’t have candy at her house because HE always gets HER in trouble!
This isn’t the first instance of this and little stuff like this has happened for years. She always says she doesn’t treat them differently because she buys them all the same things, but she is always playful with the other kids and stern with my child. They could all do the same things and my child will be the only one called out. Even though my SO agrees with me about this he always wants to make up with her right away and smooth things over but nothing gets solved.
I on the other hand, feel like she doesn’t need to be around my child and we should all ignore her until she apologizes not just for what she did yesterday but acknowledges what she does in general and apologizes for how she treats him to HIM. My SO feels like I’m being an asshole for handling it that way and that it will make the situation worse and create more conflict but I’m just tired of it. So AITA?”
She asked the community about their thoughts on her situation, and forum users came through with some advice. Here’re the responses from the fellow Reddit users:
“Quite candidly, I’m not sure what you think an apology is going to achieve. You’re exposing your kid to regular emotional abuse. Your MiL mouthing an apology at him isn’t going to fix the situation. If your SO wants to spend time with his mother, that’s his choice, but I’m not seeing how being around this woman is healthy or worthwhile for you or your kid.”
“NTA please stand up for your kid,”
“ESH your MIL for obvious reasons, but you and your husband also for exposing your kid to this treatment all this time,” suggested another person. “You think it’s not going to do damage to him to be treated like this while watching his cousins be fawned over? Step up and make it clear that you don’t have a relationship with people who don’t treat their child properly and follow through if you don’t see improvement!”
“They notice and they will remember. Maybe some distance from her isn’t a bad idea.”
“Imo, your first priority is to protect your son. It isn’t to protect your SO’s relationship with his mother.”
Source: Reddit
