A mom has gone viral after sharing a video claiming that children “don’t owe their parents anything”. Then it’s caused quite the debate!
Recently, Lisa Pontius took to TikTok to share her perspective on parent and child relationships in a video with the title: “Kids Don’t Owe Their Parents Anything.”
The video viewed more than 4 million times, sees Lisa discuss why she believes that children don’t owe their parents a certain kind of relationship. The thirty-three-year-old mom from Charleston, South Carolina began the video by responding to comments on a previous video that criticized her for setting boundaries with her own mom and said that she should be “grateful” for all her mom’s done for her.
Lisa responded, “Like setting boundaries with someone means you don’t love or appreciate what they’ve done for you,”
“Children don’t owe their parents a certain kind of relationship, and depending on the parent, they might not owe them respect, either, because that sh*t is reciprocal,” she continued. “There is definitely a different dynamic between an adult parent and a child who is still a child.”
After that, the woman explained she believes it’s “a parent’s job to provide for their children,” even though “not everyone rises to the occasion.”
She said: “It’s a parent’s job to provide for their children. It’s a responsibility. Not everyone rises to the occasion, but that’s like the bare minimum, taking care of your kid’s physical and financial needs,”
“The level above that is their emotional needs, which good parents do, but all of that is not a contingent relationship. You’re not loving and providing for your children with the expectation that they will blindly obey and do whatever you say as adults.”
She continue to say that she hopes she will create a good enough relationship with her children while they’re young, that they will want to have a relationship with her when they’re adults but you don’t get to pick.
The stay-at-home mum brings the video to a close by emphasizing that children are “people” and they “don’t owe you shit because you took care of them.”
She continued: “If you raise them right, meaning you have a solid foundation and a good relationship you will get that benefit back.If not, that’s on you.”
Of course, Lisa’s video caused quite the stir online after going viral.
Many netizen agreed with the mom that parents should “provide and care” for their children.
One person said: “I agree with her 100 percent, you decided to bring that child into this world, it’s your job to provide and care for them. And they don’t owe you anything,”
Another said: “The parents brought them into the world it’s their responsibility. No child asks to be born,” one person wrote. “My kid won’t respect me if I don’t show respect first. we are the grown-ups, take accountability and hold yourself to the standards you will teach your children,”
However, others questioned her perspective.
One person asked: “So what happens when your child/children don’t clean up after themselves? Well, they owe you anything so I guess let them be little turds!”
Another said: “Wrong way to look at it. If their parents helped raise them, got them to where they are today, then they owe everything to their parents that explains why they were successful then as they are now,”
Speaking with BuzzFeed, Lisa explained that her children “don’t owe me anything once they’re grown just because I birthed them. Hopefully, by that point, I will have earned their admiration and respect by the relationship we have built, but that’s not a guarantee.”
“Some parents parent through fear and authoritarianism, and who in their adult life wants to maintain a close relationship with a dictator or someone who emotionally manipulates you? I kept seeing the same messages on my videos from members of the older generation that said children owe respect to their parents regardless of how the parent treated the child, and I think that’s simply naive and unrealistic.”
The woman then explained that she believes the “roof over your head” argument is “manipulative” because “wouldn’t you have had a place to live for yourself regardless of if you had children? A kid isn’t a freeloading roommate, but they’re your dependent and your responsibility.”
Lisa then moved on to discuss maintaining healthy boundaries with parents. She admitted that “going no contact can be a necessary step” sometimes, however the goal is to “set boundaries and communicate” to avoid that happening.
She explained. “Boundaries can be small things, like asking someone to call before coming over or asking visitors to not kiss your new baby,”
“There can also be bigger boundaries, but the goal is the ability to maintain a relationship that doesn’t compromise your mental health or happiness.
“I hope parents, especially parents of younger kids, take away how delicate this relationship is that they are building with their children. That they will one day be adults and get to decide if they want you around, and hopefully you’ve given them a reason to want to.”
Source: https://www.buzzfeed.com/shelbyheinrich/viral-mom-tiktok-kids-parenting
https://twentytwowords.com/kids-dont-owe-parents/
