A lady gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs to find her husband n@ked on the b*d, sweating and panting.
“What’s up?” she asks.
“I’m having a he@rt att@ck,” cries the husband.
The lady rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she’s dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says,
“Mommy! Mommy! Aunty Susan is hiding in your closet, and she’s got no clothes on!”
The lady slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the b*droom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door.
Sure enough, there is her sister, totally n@ked and c0wering on the closet floor.
“You rotten bit*h she screams, “My husband’s having a he@art att@ck, and you’re running around n@ked, scaring the F**kin* kids
Read more…
Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll.
One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with Doberman said to his friend, “Let’s go over to that bar and get something to drink.”
The guy with the Chihuahua said, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”
The one with the Doberman said, “Just follow my lead.”
They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman puts on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, “Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed.”
The man with the Doberman said, “You don’t understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog.”
The bouncer said, “A Doberman pinscher?”
The man said, “Yes, they’re using them now. They’re very good.”
The bouncer said, “Come on in.”
The buddy with the Chihuahua figured what the heck, so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. He knew his would be more unbelievable.
Once again the bouncer said, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.” The man with the Chihuahua said, “You don’t understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog.”
The bouncer said, “A Chihuahua?”
The man with the Chihuahua said, “A Chihuahua? They gave me a fu*king Chihuahua?”
